I’m stalking my children on Facebook
It started last year when I first took a look
Now I can’t stop, I admit I’m obsessed
I’ve taken precautions so they’ll never guess
I have a fake profile they think I am Bob
that guy they met at their last summer job
Refrain:
I’m stalking my children on Facebook
I’m stalking my kids on Twitter
I’m stalking my children on Facebook
What could be better?
I’ve friended their friends and the friends of their friends
I read every tweet and message they send
I know every bar where they’ve ever been
I know what they drink and their favorite weed
I know about the girl at the party who peed
I know who threw up and I know who hooked up
And who they woke up with even though
Sometimes they don’t even know
Refrain:
And there’s so much I know that they don’t know I know
The trick is in not letting it show
I know where they go and when they come back
I know what they have for their meals and their snacks
I know that it won’t be very long
Till they break all the records playing beer pong
I know the songs where they all sing along
And I know where they purchased their favorite bong…
